#Thess vs Capitalism

[thessalian]

Thess vs The Big Corps, Again

Dear gods, every time I turn around, one of these big corporate jackasses is saying or doing something trying to force "generative AI" into the public consciousness as something positive ... and failing ... and doing it anyway.

The best one so far was Chris Corps, of Amazon, who actually straight-up said that there's not really any acting in video games. Yeah, tell that to Neil Newbon - the guy who did that scene (you know the one, after a very character-defining stabfest moment?) in one take, unscripted. Yeah, tell me AI's going to do something so glorious that the director's going to go, "No, we are not trying this again, we're just getting this lightning in the proverbial bottle and running with it!" I will laugh so hard.

(See also - one of the biggest reasons that SAG-AFTRA is currently on strike.)

Then we had EA at this big investor's conference, talking about how "We already use it, we're going to use more of it, this is what it looks like in use, it's great! It's a tool for our creatives!" ...And then they had someone basically pretending to have AI generate architecture. Which ... feels more like putting a pink slip in the hands of "their creatives" instead of a tool. I know people who do that kind of work and it's a lot more than slapping together a few bits of skyscraper and coming out with something that not even London would allow in its skyline. I may have a thing about the Lloyds Building being the ugliest bit of modern architecture in the world. Not to mention this one building that's largely glass and somewhat curved and they had to stop people parking in certain places on the street outside because on sunny days, the light reflecting off that fucking building would set people's cars on fire. And yeah, I don't think even London's whole avant-garde architecture bullshit of the Gherkin and the Onion and the Shard (... well, okay, the Shard's pretty cool) would have some of the shit AI generates in its skyline. Seeing the "AI assistance" Google puts on search results if you don't take some very specific steps to not have it there (which I have on my PC but not on my phone, so...), I feel like AI would design a building like Tesla designed the cybertruck. It's like ... some games are only really as memorable as they are because of their skybox, and you want to outsource that to a machine? Really?

I cannot begin to express how tired I am of this whole AI thing. Video game companies are just the loudest motherfuckers about the whole thing, same as they seem to have been with NFTs and all that shit. The entire industry is going, "How can we get more money?" So they went to "live services" and subscription services and "recurrent user spending", and that wasn't enough. So they laid a whole bunch of people off (and are still doing so, I am aware) in the usual boom-and-bust cycle that Chris Deering was talking about awhile back when he was whingeing about how no, really, layoffs aren't about corporate greed! The cycle we're talking about is how they lay off a bunch of people to look their quarterly earnings sheets look good, and then have to hire them back to get anything done. Thing is, they always hire fewer than they need and then they get a reputation for crunch and "stress casualties" and all the rest of it. And now they seem to be pushing AI as The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread in the hopes that people will leave them alone and let them replace all those people they don't want to have to pay wages for with a plagiarism-and-climate-crisis machine.

I think they know there'll be a loss of quality. Thing is, I don't think they care. See, they don't really want us to love games. Or movies, come to that. It's what Matt Damon said awhile back - they don't want entertainment to be loved, because things that are loved, we watch (or play, or read, or listen to etc) again and again and again. They want us to consume it and then throw it away to leave our metaphorical decks clear for the next thing they want us to buy.

It's the meme, isn't it. "NO WAGE! ONLY BUY!" This is not sustainable. This kind of thing is entirely terrifying in the context of Texas, where a judge appointed by Trump ruled a labour board as "unconstitutional". We're expected to tolerate any kind of abuse - being overworked, being underpaid, being treated like shit, the whole nine yards - and we're increasingly not being paid enough to live, let alone spend the kind of money these CEOs want us to spend on what they seem to be deliberately making into homogenous forgettable crap so we'll have room in our hearts and minds (and wallets) for The Next Big Thing. It's supposed to be bread and circuses, but both are increasingly too expensive for what we're getting.

Honestly, I don't know what happens next. This will get increasingly unsustainable, because these jackasses in the money seats are convinced that unlimited exponential growth is possible and nothing but the loss of their fortunes will convince them otherwise. But before they lose theirs ... well, they won't lose theirs because a lot of it is probably in an offshore bank account somewhere ... anyway, the people who work to make them their money will suffer long, long before they get so much as inconvenienced. So Chris Deering can bite me about how hard layoffs are for managers.

All that to say that AI is just highlighting the absolute worst of corporate policy, and I hate it. But I point you to an interesting article titled "Challenging the Myths of Generative AI", which might help if you're anything like me and end up in arguments about things like, "using someone's AI voice after their death is ghoulish and gross and I don't care how much you want George Carlin to read you your homework".

[thesportssoundoff]

Ten incomplete thoughts on UFC 216

Due to work, I missed the main card except for the main event which I managed to get home in time for. Anyways here’s what I got based off of the prelims and the FX card.

1-  Demetrious Johnson is our ugly baby

This is a Jerry Jones-ism so forgive me but I think it fits if you think about it. Have you ever seen a couple that just had a baby---and the baby's ugly? To everyone on the outside, the baby is absolutely hideous looking but to THEM, to those parents, it's the most beautiful thing ever because its THEIR baby. Demetrious Johnson is our ugly baby. For some fight fans and casual consumers, Demetrious Johnson is a midget who has boring fights against limited competition with a weird personality. He lacks a demographic, a definable fanbase by which an organization can capitalize on his gifts. He's destined to be the guy or the man who fight fans have no interest in. His mere PRESENCE on a card or an event signifies skippable to them. He is almost a fan repellant at this point. He is, in many ways, an ugly baby.

But he's our ugly baby. He's the best fighter in the world as of right now. Where as other see boring fights over limited competition; we see dominant performances vs good fighters who would be great in a world where he doesn't exist. Whereas they see the hit but don't get hit style as boring, we see endless activity through a variety of channels designed to minimize risk BUT still promote action. He finishes fights. He challenges himself to be better. His dominant reign has never featured two fights alike and while you can be bored with the dominance, it's still dominance. It's still one man dominating a host of opponents of various shapes, sizes and styles. All of which unique, all of which remind you that what you're seeing is special and what everybody else sees is irrelevant. Who gives a shit if he's an ugly baby, he's YOUR baby.

Mighty Mouse, in a climate where fighting often and fighting consistently on TV isn't really worth as much as it should, will never be respected for what he is. He's our ugly baby; the thing only we can truly appreciate. You just gotta go with it.

2- The Uniqueness of Combat Sports; Good and Bad; was on display.

We begin with the good. The 1 v 1 nature of MMA (and boxing and etc) makes it so much more free flowing as to the how and why we get the matchups. There is no set schedule---so when Derrick Lewis hours before the show can't go? You just get another guy on display! Out comes Walt Harris who had a fight scheduled previously who gets bumped up the card. That's the fun thing about MMA; it's never always laid out to perfection but 9/10, it ends up being just fine. Instead of not getting a Werdum fight, we get Werdum vs Walt Harris on like six hours notice. That's really cool.

And the negative? Well in no other sport would an obvious matchup not happen on account of money. The brackets are what they are, the Yankees and Red Sox don't immediately get to play one another in the ALCS. Who wins is who wins. Tony Ferguson vs Conor McGregor is the fight to make under all categories except for one----which happens to be the biggest one. At the risk of upsetting the Nate Diaz fans, imagine if the Lakers last year took the place of the Spurs to ensure that the NBA would garner the biggest ratings for their playoffs. It'd be stupid---but MMA is a stupid sport sometimes. So we'll sit and wait to determine whether the right title fight will take place or whether the most economical title fight will take place. Either one will do.

3- Mighty should SERIOUSLY think about retiring.

There's a theory that flyweight would've had a better chance of surviving had it not been for Demetrious Johnson, the aforementioned ugly baby of MMA. Let's test that. Mighty Mouse should seriously consider pulling a GSP. Just take off for a while, work on the Fox team/whatever network is next team and provide analysis from a distance. When the opportunity arises for him to come back aka when there's a title fight that makes sense, he should return. Let's see if HE is the problem of it the division itself is a problem.

4- Tony Ferguson is a once in a decade type fighter

No, I don't mean that in the sense that he's a prodigious athlete or some special draw. He's not Conor or Ronda or whomever else has been tabbed with such a label.  I'm talking about a guy who is a fighting freak; one of those fucked up type of guys who has these fights that the average human being couldn't fathom and even pro fighters would try to avoid. He began the third round shouting at Kevin Lee about how this was going to be his round and he legit just marched dude down, ate whatever fire was coming his way, got up from takedowns and then when shit got hairy on the ground, he went elbows into armbar into triangle. Tony Ferguson fights with this unrelenting confidence and this air of inevitability. "At some point, I'm going to get you. And when I do? You aren't going to do shit about it." Ferguson isn't just a great fighter, he's a savage sadistic will breaker. You don't see guys like that come along, not in today's MMA where fans think fighters play it safe more than ever before.

5- Greg Jackson had a bad night.

I didn't see any of the main card fights beyond the main event but this goes to the Duquesnoy and the Ray Borg fight. In the former, it felt like any adjustments after the first round were nil for Duquesnoy. Unorthodox only works when fighters are afraid of it and you execute it with near perfection. The unorthodox offense and footwork of Duquesnoy was figured out pretty quickly by Stamman and the adjustments were....I unno. MAYBE Duquesnoy got some great advice and he just didn't execute on it. His third round was abysmal from start to finish and outside of Stamman nearly giving him the fight by virtue of being an idiot, it was not the performance we expected from a top prospect. As for Ray Borg? WHEN has clinching with Mighty Mouse ever worked. I watched a bushel of Demetrious Johnson fights in a row and pointed out that the clinch is where he excels---so Borg clinched and wrestled. Even if Ray Borg isn't a good striker, you have a better chance of starting something on the feet. Furthermore, you HAVE to tell your fighter to never go for the neck on Mighty Mouse. Everytime he takes guys down, they chase that desperation guillo because he feeds it to them. Every single write up I read involved some form of "Borg chases a guillotine" but that never works. NEVER. The gameplan didn't seem to give Borg a single shot.  Also felt like Lando Vannata engaged far too much vs Bobby Green BUT I'm not gonna hold dude responsible for that.

6- I think Kevin Lee is making a right choice jumping up to 170 lbs

I made the comparison of Gray Maynard for Kevin Lee at 155 lbs. I think that's still apt---but I think Lee going UP in weight is the right idea. Kevin Lee said he weighed 185 lbs or more vs Tony Ferguson and so that gives you an accurate window of what MOST 155 lbers are weighing after rehydration and etc etc etc.  Lee will not be at that big of a size and strength disadvantage vs guys at 170 lbs. Look at how MOST 155ers who have moved up have been able to hold their own vs genuine welterweights. The difference is not that massive and so I figure Lee with better cardio will pop into that top 10 discussion.

7- I need a good reason why there's no 165 and 175 lb divisions

Just curious what the excuses are. I understand it might not curtail weight cuts but it can't hurt for sure. Unless you're going to tell me 185 lbers are going to try to kill themselves to make 175 lbs but if thats a concern, just establish a weight percentage rule. Weigh more than 15% of your intended weight class? Move up or move out! If you're concerned about MMA watering itself down then I mean are you not realizing the quality of talent between 155 lbs and 185 lbs? That's a stupid excuse. The quality of fights will improve because people aren't dying to make weight that intensely. You're at least TRYING something. Two more titles? 99% of you people don't even care who the champ is anyways if he's not a star so how does it impact your ability to enjoy MMA?

8- Brad Tavares is quietly becoming really good.

I've been harsh on Tavares because I feel like he's better than what he's put out recently. Over the past two fights though, he's shown some serious improvements. He's more aggressive while still being his usual composed and patient self. He's got a great jab, he can wrestle with just about anybody. In many ways it felt like he always knew his chin was a little questionable and so he fought to protect that. Recently though it feels like he's more aggressive than usual and that's a good thing. I just think he needs to get that finish which has eluded him so far in the UFC.

9- Magomed Bibulatov losing is a bummer.

Yes yes yes yes. I know. Try to hear me out here for a second will ya? The one thing we keep hearing about guys at 125 lbs is that they're all basically the same guy. The idea that they're all just fighters fighting the most boring guy in the world. Bibulatov had a teensy bit of buzz on him and John Moraga, a dude who at this point is your gatekeeper to the stars, smelted him. Woooof.

10- The Anik, Rogan and Cormier team seemed to have an idea of how to work together.

Don't know if it was the week or whatever the case may be BUT thesse guys were all on their game. Cormier seemed to fit in better and have a better understanding of what he should or should not be calling and their jokes actually seemed to work for once. Most of all, all three guys seemed to be in the zone with very little moments of  "Wow that was stupid!" Good night fo rthis new commentary squad.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Talent

I woke up about an hour ago for no damn reason and appear to be unable to go back to sleep. Partly because OW OW OW, and the ibuprofen is only vaguely kicking in. So. Hyperfocus time. Generative AI in the arts.

It can fuck off, frankly. Because no matter what they do, there is an element that will always, always be missing, and that is talent. An AI cannot have talent. An AI cannot take a line and turn it into something wonderful. At best, it can produce something that just about does the job. But ... try to imagine a computer, with no concept of talent, emotion, or acting at all, do scenes with any degree of real power. Could an AI do Astarion's final confrontation with Cazador with the conviction, power, and talent with which Neil Newbon did it? I don't think so. Acting, not to sound too 'method' about it, requires knowing on at least some level how the emotion you're trying to portray feels.

(Side note - literally. The precursor to 'method acting' was Stanislavski's "system", and his overall theory was that everyone has, on some level, felt every emotion it's possible to feel - it's just a matter of degree. So when you're faced with an emotion in a role, you turn up the 'volume' on the emotions you need, and turn down the 'volume' on the ones that would get in the way. It's painful as fuck for some emotional states, but it's worth it if you've got the talent to make it work.)

The problem is, people seem to have undervalued talent so much that they don't even think it matters anymore.

Like, I was reading an article in I think PC Now about the SAG-AFTRA strikes and how Jennifer Hale has been particularly vocal in making damn sure that generative AI doesn't take over voice acting in video games. But the comments - godsdamnit, I know I should never read the comments but sometimes I have to see how people feel about this shit so I don't end up entirely living in an echo chamber of my own creation. And these people? They were all going, "I don't see why they're fighting this; it's inevitable and it's not necessarily a bad thing" and "technology always takes people's jobs; it's how capitalism works" and, worst of all, "No one really cares that much about the voice acting anyway; people are only interested because of name recognition."

...Dude. You do realise how their names got recognised, don't you? It wasn't their pretty faces like most movie actors - most people don't know what their favourite voice actors even look like (which is probably another part of the problem - they act like their favourite voice actors are already just automatons). The cast of Critical Role were recognised as voice actors (aside from Marisha, who wasn't one at the time, really) before Critical Role became a thing. Brian Bloom and Jennifer Hale and all the rest? They're recognised because they're that. Damn. Good. Their talent pushed them above and beyond the different faces their voices wear from cartoon to video game etc. A computer could possibly learn to convey an emotion halfway credibly. It couldn't rip your heart right out of your chest the way Astarion bursting into tears he'd been holding in for centuries did mine.

NaNoWriMo's whole take on AI is more of the same devaluing of talent. They phrase it as "not allowing AI is ableist and classist" but it's actually infantalising the people it claims to be supporting, and all in the name of erasing talent as a factor. Now, not everyone is going to have the same level of talent, but ... it's honestly just like voice acting in that it's your voice telling that story. Just instead of someone telling that voice to make the words on the page real, you're the one making the words on the page and letting someone else fill in the voice. Both have to be good, and to come from the heart and soul (which I feel is where talent resides), or there's no point.

Letting your emotions out there is the ultimate act of courage. And these people are trying to erase that for a quick, planet-destroying buck.

No AI is ever going to give me "My name is Georgia Mason and I am begging you - rise up while you can" (which, gods, even quoting the damn thing gets me teary). No AI is going to give me, "Had to be me. Someone else would have gotten it wrong", or "Don't cry. You're perfect". All of those are last words (sort of, in one case, but that's a whole different story). I think of Arcane, and the reaction videos I watched of it, and "Whoever voice acts this little girl is like--" and losing words because Mia Sinclair Jenness was just that good, even at, like, age 13 at most.

I mean, I know these guys say that they don't really care about the voice acting that much, that it's not important? But I'd lay pretty decent odds that if the voice acting got less than good? If it was people phoning it in? They'd start noticing pretty damn fast. They might shrug it off as "the price we pay for progress", but they'd fucking notice. But it's people like them, and like the ones who want to be able to buy voices off the rack to stick them in their own video games, who make me physically ill. They devalue the people who do voice acting so much - their inborn talent, developed through a lot of hard work, and everything they went through to make a character real, and often not compensated nearly enough in return. All because at the end of the day, they want cheaper stuff.

Which they won't get, because even if (gods forbid) companies do start shoving their voice actors aside for AI versions, the CEOs are just going to pocket the savings anyway, while raising the prices and still complaining about how expensive games are to make. So I have no idea why they're sucking CEO dick with "it's inevitable and of course they want to use fewer actual people and no one'll even notice".

Stupid part is, I bet that a lot of the people sucking CEO dick about AI are also spitting on the exact same CEOs for "going woke".

[thessalian]

Thess vs Self-Reflection

I'm not sure if it's really good or really bad that I do this much self-reflection. Thing is, everything interests me and I like to poke at the logic of things in general. I guess starting with myself is as good a way as any to go about it. After all, the mysteries of Me are close to hand.

See, yesterday I had to go out to the Sainsbury's for some ingredients for the upcoming Baking Extravaganza - sour cream for the banana bread, eggs and sugar for ... like, everything ... stuff like that. And I had just literally missed a bus that only comes along every 10-15 minutes because the bus driver did not notice (or just plain ignored) the person with the cane desperately hobbling in the direction of the bus stop as they meandered past. No, seriously, that bus cannot go very fast in this area because it uses a two-lane road that has cars parked on it on both sides, effectively turning it into a one-lane road and everyone has to kind of do some funky swervy Red Rover shit to get anywhere if someone's driving in the opposite direction. So they had time to see me if they were checking their mirrors but just ... nope. Ambled on past.

So since there wasn't really time to go back home and sit for awhile, and also because I wasn't going to go up the hill from the bus stop to my house more times than I had to, I popped to the corner shop briefly for a chocolate bar and then still had a five-minute wait for the bus, more or less. And I'm standing there with my reusable shopping bag and my chocolate bar and my aches and pains from two trips to the communal skips (dumpsters, whatever) with loads of trash and recycling (because I can't take too much at one time, what with the cane and all), on top of the aches and pains of just existing with fibromyalgia ... and I sat there and wondered, "Why the fuck do I do this to myself? Why can't I just buy snacks like normal people? Spend fewer spoons, y'know?"

It was as good a way as any to kill time waiting for the bus, thinking about that.

There are a few answers, I guess. A goodly part of it is spite, I think, and it comes in two parts, both aimed at "My body has betrayed me but I am not giving it the satisfaction of winning". Which is honestly stupid if you think about it too long, but it also makes sense in a way. Like, I developed a gluten intolerance and suddenly there was all this stuff I simply cannot eat unless I want to be really sick, and capitalism is such that most of the gluten-free options on offer are also vegan, and those two things don't go well together just because of the nature of gluten-free flour. So I could give up all semblance of having a baked treat now and then ... or I could say "Fuck you; if capitalism and my own body won't let me have tasty treats, I'll make them myself". That's the easy part.

The harder part of that is ... well, I'm going to hurt anyway. That's my life now. I could sit doing nothing and I would still hurt. Maybe not quite as much, but it depends on the day and the weather and all manner of other shit. And obviously I'm not going to court pain too much, or for things I can more or less avoid, or things that don't matter so much. I won't court pain for video games (or ... well, not many video games). I won't court pain for my job unless I really have to, and even then there are limits (specifically "DO NOT MAKE ME COMMUTE AN HOUR AND A HALF EACH WAY, ESPECIALLY IF I'M DOING ILL-ADVISED OVERTIME BECAUSE OF 'UNEXPECTED ABSENCES' AND UNDERSTAFFING").

...I won't court pain unless it's worth it, I think is what I'm trying to say. MCM Comic Con 2023? That was worth it. It was excruciating, but it was worth it. So the question becomes, is treating myself well worth the pain? Is making sure that I have food that I enjoy, the occasional treat, and the sheer joy I get out of creating something nice, worth it? The answer is yes. The answer has to be yes. Otherwise, what's the point?

I've been at a "what's the point?" stage before. I have more actual reason for one now. If I can have random spasms and unbelievable fatigue and occasional brain-fog moments and unreasonable bowel upset and constant pain, I can see how easy it would be to start thinking, "What's the point if the rest of my entire life is this? And probably getting worse as time goes on because the body deteriorates anyway..." So I have to make it worth it. I have to do whatever I can to keep from absolutely despairing about what I can't do anymore. I have to do things that I can be proud of, and that I can turn to and say, "I am worth the effort and the pain involved in doing this for myself".

Do I sometimes still despair that the rest of my life is going to be spent in pain? Yes. I can't pretend I don't. I'm still grieving a halfway normal life, and I probably always will be. But ... well, fuck fibromyalgia; I can still make banana bread. And I deserve banana bread. As long as I can think that way most of the time, I'll be okay.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Annual Salaries

So, like ... I get the whole "fiduciary duty to shareholders" thing. At least partially because that's the whole deal my mother always talks about when I mention the absurdity of the whole ... you know... *gestures vagely at late stage capitalism*. I mean, at least she flags up things like how many people's pensions are tied up in the whole shares thing. I still think they take it way too far in terms of fiduciary duty to shareholders, but I understand it. Sort of. Ish. Intellectually. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

But there's one thing you're never going to convince me is okay, and that is the fact that the CEOs of these companies - you know, the ones who lay off hundreds of people to make the profit margins look bigger because fiduciary duty to shareholders - take home seven- or eight-figure salaries. For all the bullshit people talk about how most of these people's worth is on paper rather than liquid, we're talking annual salary here. This particular fact? All it leaves me with is questions. Like:

We're talking 7-8 figures annually, so what the fuck are you doing to spend tens of millions of dollars per year?!? How do you spend that much money? What could you possibly spend that much money on that you need more tens of millions the following year? How is that possible?

What exactly do they do to earn that much money? If the worker is worth the hire, what exactly are they doing that's worth tens of millions annually? Now, you could say "ensuring their fiduciary duty to shareholders is met", but they're not even the ones who are figuring out the best ways to reduce the fiduciary duty to shareholders; they have middle management to do most of the figuring out, and those guys only (heh; 'only') make six figures annually, while the CEO makes tens of millions by ... picking one. They're giving themselves that much money per year for the equivalent of ordering at the McDonalds drive-through.

I swear to the gods, it's like the money really is nothing more than a way of keeping score. The profits thing is sickening, but understandable if you grit your teeth and accept, for now, that companies are legally required to screw over employees and customers alike in the name of "fiduciary duty to shareholders", or else they are literally seen as stealing from the shareholders. But ... the annual salaries. I mean. Come on. Tens of millions per year. And by the Vimes "Boots" Theory of Socio-Economic Unfairness, they shouldn't have to spend that much. They can afford a house, and probably have one (hell, they probably have several at this point), so no rent. Then can afford the good insurance, so no being financially wiped out in the event of illness or injury. Hell, they can afford the healthy food that so many people can't, and to heat their homes properly, and so probably aren't getting as sick in the first place. They have probably never really met a financially crippling car repair bill, either because they can afford to replace stuff before it falls apart completely or because they just replace the whole damn car whenever they feel like. They're not beholden on "fast fashion" (read - stuff put together in sweatshops in countries with few to no labour laws and sold for a halfway affordable price at Target or Primark or wherever), so their clothes and shoes aren't falling apart after a couple of months of wear. And none of that - none of the things that so many of us feel fortunate if we happen to have it, and so few of us actually do - even makes a dent in their yearly take-home pay.

They're fucking dragons. That's all there is to it. So many of us love the idea of dragons on hoards other than money, but we have dragons, and they're ... just ... asshole humans with way too much fucking money.

So I know why they don't take a salary cut instead of tanking the lives of hundreds of people by laying them off (and making the lives of the remaining people worse as they're forced to pick up the slack or join their friends in the unemployment queue). But it fucking disgusts me, all the same. Money exists to be used, not to be sat on by rich assholes. I mean, so many people work their asses off and barely earn enough to stay alive in this economy, and these guys get paid more than anyone could reasonably spend sitting on their asses, harrassing and abusing their workers, and listening to advice on who to fire to make their profit numbers look better.

I know there are some lovely things about the world, and some lovely people in it. But dear gods, the rot is so very visible.

[thessalian]

Thess vs MCM Comic Con, Day 3

So before I start with the rundown of today, I will say this:

It was worth it.

I may not entirely believe that now, when everything fucking hurts and the stress and frustration of that level of people and noise and exertion and pain is still pretty much flattening me? But I know it was. The memory of how worth it this was will stay fresh long, long after the pain of the actual doing of it is gone.

So. Anyway. Day 3. Starting from after I made sandwiches and prepped to get an exchange on my d20-less gold sparkly dice.

We managed to get there in good time for the Critical Role panel. Now, obviously not in good time to get a seat in the main stage area where they were actually doing the panel, but giving it some thought, we didn't really want to be there anyway. We'd already been up close and personal with the Critical Role crew; we didn't need more than that. Plus the noise would have been way, way too much. So instead, we went over to one of the stages that was streaming the panel on their big screen. Which was better because the camera crew zoomed in when a question was directed at a particular person so we actually got to see them. And the panel was really good. It was so endearing when an audience member asked how they managed the whole thing with being business partners and friends and they talked about how Matt insists that they all hang out just as friends outside of the game space and the business space, and how Travis is this really supportive protective Big Poppa Bear of a CEO, and how it's easier with a group of friends than it is with a two-person partnership or trio because you've got people who can step in and mediate when tempers run a bit high ... and most of all when Ashley said she literally didn't know what she'd do without them (and then had to hand off the mic because she was about to start crying) and Sam said how he really just wanted them to be doing this - being the friends and family they'd become - for the rest of their lives ... and to wear a T-shirt with Matt's face on it at Matt's funeral. I honestly have zero worries about Critical Role LLC and its potential effects on their friendship. Seems like they're doing just fine.

There were no problems with taking my dice back. Thankfully, I got the same guy who sold them to me in the first place, though given the ambient noise and low light levels in the area, it was a bit of a struggle to get him to understand the problem. When he finally understood, he did go the extra mile finding me a replacement set. I repaid that kindness by stopping him when he went to put the dice set I was returning back into the box of merchandise for display / sale. Didn't want him to go through that again, y'know?

(Side note: turns out that the little golden shinies in my Alisaie-themed dice set are, in fact, small golden capital As. That's serendipity on a ridiculous level, right there.)

After that ... I admit it all caught up to me and on top of the body aches, spasms, and migraine, I remembered just how difficult it is to wander a convention hall with someone whose interests in terms of art and entertainment kind of vary from yours. So I suggested to Marion that we split up for an hour and a half, and meet up somewhere to devour lunch and see where we were going from there. I browsed a bit, but mostly I just found a place to sit down and watch the cosplay go by. I mean, I did make an attempt to go outside, partly for a smoke but mostly for someplace where I could be more than two feet away from any human being ... but it had started to rain and so I still ended up crammed under the awnings with my fellows who also wanted fresh air and/or nicotine.

By the time I met up with Marion again, I was getting to that "I am struggling to form coherent sentences" level of migraine, holding it at bay with some co-codamol that I took with the first can of A&W root beer I've had in years, and it was just what I needed, thank you. So we scarfed down lunch. I was honestly ready to leave right then, but Marion wanted one last turn-around to look for a couple of things she hadn't spotted in her first trip. I couldn't really deny her that no matter how much I wanted to go home, so we agreed to meet up in about an hour at the "Reset Room" (they had a room especially designed for people who just needed to decompress; probably the most useful thing they actually did in terms of accommodations, I have to say).

In that time, I caved and bought a copy of Flavours of the Multiverse - a D&D themed cookbook. It wasn't my only purchase of the day, mind you. I also got three pin-badges - one "That's How I Roll" one, one "Shiny Math Rocks" one ... and one that just reads "They/She". That and a "They/Them" nonbinary flag-coloured lanyard. At least there, I could wear those things without being too afraid. Anyway, after my few purchases and another trip outside (where, thankfully, it had stopped raining), I read my new cookbook until Marion rejoined me and we headed home. Unfortunately, on top of all the stairs at London Bridge and Elephant and Castle stations, there were a surprising number of people cramming themselves on the 363 at 5pm on a Sunday. So my Time of Squishening unfortunately got a little bit extended. Still, I am now home and have had coffee and more painkillers and I feel a bit better.

That was probably my last MCM Comic Con. It's definitely the last one I go to for all three days. The accommodations were insufficient (though in all fairness, that's entirely down to the organisers - the stewards were so nice and tried so hard to make things work when it was clear that the original organisational scheme was a shit-show), and the attendees ... well, most of them were really nice but I cannot count how many people I had to nearly throw myself at a wall to avoid because they were walking through a crowded convention hall while looking at their phones. Or just anywhere but straight in front of themselves. And public transport ... well, some of that "step-free access" is only on a technicality, put it that way, and it's actually easier to just struggle with the stairs if you can. I think the worst part of this has been that it's basically opened a window on another part of how hard my life is going to be now.

But never mind. I'm going to decompress a bit. I am going to make breakfast-for-dinner in the form of French toast and bacon, I am going to sit Marion down through the rest of Arcane, and I am going to enjoy my last evening with my houseguest. And at some point I am going to look into the work of the Hire A Bard guy I saw at the convention, who will set your character and/or campaign to music for a fee. This might be worth considering as a Christmas gift (however delayed) for the Cupcake Coterie.

Anyway. Yeah. I hurt. I am very much not at my best. But it was worth it.

[thessalian]

Thess vs the Desert

Well, I seem to have aimed a bit for POSEIDON without really meaning to, but it's been quite the ride thus far.

LAST NIGHT

Hmmkay, what've we got this way? Ooh, a settlement.

...Well, fuck you too.

"Hair like blood", huh? That's ... a descriptor. I guess.

You ... pen the machines and slaughter them that way, huh? HAEPHESTUS probably doesn't like that very much... Yeah, see? You guys are such efficient hunters you get Thunderjaws thrown at you. Yes, I will help.

So ... yeah, I heard something about this from the flood people - you have to trade machine parts for water that's not polluted? This is some Immortan Joe bullshit, right here.

Right. None of this right here is too onerous. No Thunderjaw yet. This here is just a Tuesday, frankly.

(I mean, literally. It is Tuesday.)

So ... "bagged and tagged" means to bury with honours here? That's actually kind of fascinating. Because what it means in the real is just "put in body bag and tie a tag to the toe to identify them", but because they all wear dog tags... Huh. I do love how the Cradle people worked out things based on a combination of religion and really basic anthropology.

Wait. The Tenakth -- the TENakth -- call on the Ten. I checked, and it's not branches of military, unless they added more in this world's future / past / whatever. Hmm. How many subordinate functions does GAIA have? ...Nine. And GAIA makes ten. Clever.

Right. Onward to get your fellow hunters their honourable burial-- Oh, hey, you got a survivor! Great!

Yes. That is a Thunderjaw. Now stop yelling at me I am hiding in this bush for a reason.

Gun gone, gun gone ... Thunderjaw gone without firing off a shot.

Oh, you want me to go on ahead with the hearts? You're trusting me big time. But I guess since I just two-shotted a Thunderjaw for you, that's fair.

I'mma hunt those Frost Bellowbacks first. Sorry not sorry.

And see? I barely just beat you here with your injured comrade.

Oh. You think something bad is going on in your capital whatever. And having to pay that kind of premium for potable water wasn't enough? Yes, fine, I will meet you there later but I kinda need some Tallnecks first.

Also ... hi, Tuvok.

Right. Gonna edge my way south a bit for a few more campfires and... Ooh. Question mark. What is--? Oh. Oseram camp.

Ah. You were waiting on those folks on the other side of the mountains. Yeaaaaaaah that didn't go well. I'll help you deal with that tomorrow.

THIS MORNING

Right. Going to go track what happened to the rest of that dude's crew.

Rumble rumble-- This is going to end with a Rockbreaker, isn't it.

Alas, poor Lunda. Also ... yep. Rockbreaker.

There is some shiny down here. Hope Porguf doesn't mind my having hit this place first. Well, if he does, that's his problem. I've got Burrowers and a probably-Rockbreaker to deal with.

Aha! Way out! ...Wait, did I just get trapped in-- No, there's enough room to sneak through the gap that's left.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Rockbreaker. Sneak. In. Quietly.

Okay. I am concealed in a high place. SHOW YOURSELF, YOU SUBTERRANEAN ANNOYANCE-ENGINE!

Theeeeeeeeeeeere you are. Okay. This might get spicy. POONK.

...

......

.........I. Just. One-shotted it.

I JUST ONE-SHOTTED A ROCKBREAKER AND THEREFORE WIN AT EVERYTHING!

Right. More shinies and ... yes, Porguf, you can have your lockbox back.

Aloy, only you would consider "vertically up a mountain" to be a 'shortcut'.

And now that I've mastered gliding, I can-- SUNWINGS SHIT INTO A BUSH.

Okay, there's you dealt with. I'll turn in this quest and see what I have to climb for the Tallneck--

What do you mean, "it looks damaged"?!?

Right. Porguf, here. I'll be back after I look at that apparently damaged Tallneck and maybe take out a rebel outpost or something.

Oseram have been trying to take down a Tallneck?!? Ambitious little buggers, I'll give you Oseram weirdoes that, but HAEPHESTUS clearly is not a fan of their plans. But I need to do the same idiocy that got you dipshits killed so I can fix your dipshittery.

Okay ... one anchor, and we get Burrowers. Bye, Burrowers.

Two anchors, aaaaaaand ... Sunwings.

YES I KNOW I COULD USE THE BALLISTA ON THE SMALLER MACHINES, BUT I DON'T WANT TO! THESE THINGS HAVE NO PRECISION!

Huh. Bellowback. ...Acid Bellowback, in point of fact. New scan, huzzah. Now, lemme pop you like a pimple-- Theeeeeeeeere we go.

Okay, those are impressive when they go down.

Aaaaaand reboot! Huzzah! BEGONE, FOG OF WAR!

Right. I probably do have time to hit a rebel outpost but I do not have the energy to do so. I need to save spoons for work. So lemme clear these Burrowers out of my way, set up at this shelter, and I can deal with other stuff later or tomorrow or whatever.

I do not know what's been waking me so damn early lately. Maybe I need thicker curtains. Eh, at least it gives me "wake up to the Forbidden West" time...

[thessalian]

Thess vs Gluten

So I did manage to get enough spoons together to make a late-ish trip to get groceries. I have plans. Many of those plans involve baking. I'm going to do the chocolate mayonnaise cake, I think. Might make another batch of the gingerbread, now that I have a hand mixer and won't kill myself with all the mixing. Definitely going to do some more chocolate chip cookes, and the three ingredient peanut butter cookies, but also pondering ginger snaps and thumbprint cookies (going to try filling those alternately with peanut butter, black cherry jam, and chocolate spread).

Look, I bought a cookie jar and I am going to use it.

Also intending to try the potato candy, and that too will be alternately filled with peanut butter, black cherry jam, and chocolate spread. Honestly, one of my objectives was to get a few bits and pieces that'd work well with various recipes from my Baking Yesteryear cookbook. It was a gift, and it is a very treasured one, and I will USE IT YES.

I think part of the thing that makes it so precious - quite aside from the one who gave it to me in the first place - is that it taught me why so much gluten-free stuff in shops is so bleh, most of the time.

See ... it's apparently not worth it, in capitalism, to properly accommodate people with dietary restrictions. They don't make many gluten-free products at all, and the ones they do tend to get lumped in with vegan bits and pieces. So a lot of mass-produced gluten-free food is also made without eggs or butter. Now, apparently the point of gluten is elasticity and stretch, trapping gas so that a bread dough can rise, and gluten is therefore more or less pointless for cakes, even though it's very much needed for bread. Now, I say 'more or less' because recipes that call for gluten-free flour ask for an addition of xanthan gum if it's not already in their flour mix. So I'm kind of wondering if it's just that most places that mass-produce gluten-free baked goods are using the amount of xanthan gum that they'd need for bread in everything, and that's making the end result a little tough and dry. Not as noticeable when there's egg and butter adding moistness and richness to the whole thing, but without it? The end result seems to be overly chewy baked goods.

But of course, I need to test that theory a little more. Hence the chocolate mayonnaise cake, actually - I remember Dylan Hollis raving about how moist the cake was, clearly as a result of the mayonnaise, and I want to see if I succeed with a chocolate mayonnaise cake where I failed with the Wacky Cake.

Anyway, also I did burgers ... with a bit of a twist. I couldn't be bothered with most gluten-free buns, so instead I put together a couple of patties, fried them up in the same pan as I was sauteeing some sliced chestnut mushrooms (in garlic butter), put the patties on the plate first, topped each with my dairy-free mozzarella, and then topped all of that with the mushrooms so that the heat from all that would melt the cheese. Then I just ate it with fork and knife, sans bun. With hash browns. It was a bit of a late dinner, all told, but worth it.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Defining Terrorism

The UK has this thing called Prevent, which is a bit of guidance that's supposed to stop terrorist activity by recognising it before it comes to violence and also stopping the kind of radicalisation that can lead to terrorist activity. Thus far we've mainly had "Muslim" and "extreme right-wing" as dog-whistles. But the government keeps adding to it when they feel it necessary.

They added to it recently.

"Anti-abortion" is one, which I do understand because we've seen the BS that happens around Planned Parenthood clinics in the US.

But then there's "socialism" and "anti-fascism". Listed as the kind of radicalisation that leads to potential terrorism.

So if people start talking about socialism and anti-fascism in response to shit that the government is doing - you know, when the government does things like abetting and encouraging capitalism basically killing the majority of us, or stripping away what's left of our social safety nets, or restricting our right to protest in new and horrible ways that violate our human rights - they could be labelled as radicals and potential terrorists.

It feels like the Tories have conveniently redefined terrorism to mean "just about anything we don't like or that might hurt us in some way". And what are the bets that those definitions will not be revised when (and honestly, I'm assuming it's "when") Labour get into power?

So that on top of the whole deal where the Tories are basically combining lining their pockets (or the pockets of their friends and donors) with the public's money with poisoning the well so badly that Labour will never be able to fix the mess they've made and look unpopular doing it (to guarantee re-election in five years), plus everything else? Wooow this fucking country is a meeeeess.

Right. Video games. Where I at least get to stab the bad guys with sharp and pointy when they try to crush people under their collective bootheel.

[thessalian]

Thess vs ALL THE DEMOS

It’s not a Steam Next Fest, but last night I was sitting there going, “I hurt too much to sleep and I should do some hyperfocus Zen until the pain meds kick in a bit more or I’m too tired to care” and decided to prune my current Demo folder. And then today I went perusing for more demos (thanks to recent time spent on DREDGE, it really wants to throw eldritch horror at me, to the point where it’s pointing me at things where not even the demo is out yet, never mind the game). So now there are a lot more demos.

Sometimes I worry about seeming pretentious because I barely play anything that isn’t indie or, like, nearly a decade old? But honestly, I think I’ll just be glad I can sit here and celebrate indie games. Besides, the Stray Gods: RPG Musical demo dropped and this is David Gaider writing and a whole lot of very talented voice actors and I have got to see this. And the others look interesting.

So, yeah. More demos.

Lake: This one’s an older game, but it’s been on my wishlist for quite awhile. I just hadn’t seen the demo before. I was checking the store page to see how long it’s going to be on sale, since I was considering adding it to my purchases when Cook, Serve, Forever and Pan’Orama come out in a couple of days, and boom, demo. So I gave it a try to see if I actually wanted to buy the thing. And ... I think I do? I mean, there’s some vehicular stuff that occasionally feels a little counterintuitive to me, and I’ve clearly been living in this country too long because I keep driving on the wrong side of the road, and some of the people in that town need a slap across the mouth (don’t even get me started about Meredith’s regular boss), but there are stories there and I want to see where they go. And I haven’t crashed the postal van yet, so that’s something. Basically it’s driving around, delivering mail, occasionally talking to people, and getting bits and pieces of the stories that float around little quasi-rural towns in Oregon. The scenery’s nice too.

Blue Wednesday: This one’s kind of a maybe. The bit of it I played was interesting, but I’d really need to practice the piano minigame if I really want to actually do the thing. Then again, I guess that’s what playing the game is for. ...Also admittedly this one hits a bit close to home, as it features a young aspiring jazz musician who’s more or less having to put his dreams of being a professional musician on hold because capitalism, basically. I think everybody who’s likely to play this one is going to get a twinge out of that one, and that’s just the first in-game day. So I’ll be keeping an eye on that one when it comes out - the gameplay’s pretty clever and the premise is relatable, for sure.

Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical: I got fairly interested in this one as soon as I heard about it. This game has got pedigree. David Gaider’s one of the directors and writers, one of the other directors was writing for Pillars of Eternity, and as for the cast ... well, in the demo alone I got Laura Bailey, Ashley Johnson, and Khary Payton, plus a couple “I know that one sounds familiar” that haven’t hit IMDB yet and Janina Gavankar, who I mostly know from having been into True Blood and a fairly minor role in Horizon Zero Dawn’s The Frozen Wilds expansion ... but also from some of the Forspoken trailers. Anyway, it also has Troy Baker, Mary Elizabeth McGlynn, Allegra Clark, Erika Ishii, Rahul Kohli, Anjali Bhimani, Felicia Day (which ... ehh for me but y’know)... Fans of Critical Role will know a lot of these voices. But still, pedigree doesn’t count for much if the story and mechanics aren’t there. Now, the demo’s really short, and doesn’t touch on the plot that much? But the mechanics are interesting. Basically ... okay, think of it as The Wicked and the Divine meets Scooby Doo meets that one Buffy musical episode, Once More With Feeling, where you’re given options and the decisions you make not only affect how you proceed, but also shape the lyrics of your big musical numbers. It’s honestly clever as shit, and that’s another one I don’t think I’d mind pre-ordering. Don’t know if that’ll be an option, but it’s coming out in August, so at least it’s not a massively long wait.

Lighthouse of Madness: Steam has been throwing eldritch horror at me because of the amount of time I’ve spent on DREDGE lately, so here we are. This one’s ... interesting but problematic. I mean, it’s first person, so that’s an issue for me, and honestly the controls are a little janky. It looks wonderfully atmospheric and creepy, but it’s a low priority on my wish list because honestly, I’m not sure how well I’d be able to play it. Still, lots more eldritch horror where that came from.

Not right now, though - if for no other reason than that this post is going to get insanely long if I don’t knock it off. So more later - this is going to be a “Poking At Demos” kind of weekend. Yaaaaaay!

[thessalian]

Thess vs Instant Gratification

I read the Guardian. A lot. It gives me something to browse through when I’m taking much-needed microbreaks at work (and more on the work situation later, because it’s going to come into play). My mother calls it a “communist rag”, and I can see why to a point, but I do read other publications and I’ve definitely noted that the Guardian’s pretty much the only one that doesn’t try to defend the indefensible from our current government and has on multiple occasions called out Johnson’s bare-faced lies. So yeah, I’ll stick to my “communist rag”, thanks.

Thing is, I don’t agree with everything that’s in it, particularly in the opinion section. That’s going to be true of everything. First of all, because the Guardian is determined not to paywall the thing to oblivion, they do have to rely on sources of funding other than voluntary donations. And occasionally those sources of funding will insist on an opinion piece of their own devising going into the paper. Okay, not ideal, but it is an opinion piece so can safely be taken with a grain of salt.

And then there’s the “WOE THE LOWS TO WHICH CAPITALISM HAVE BROUGHT US” pieces. The ones that bewail the increasing use of smartphones. The ones that bemoan how we’re pressured to be busy and/or consuming every hour of every day in ways that make even having hobbies that take time and effort sound like you’re brainwashed by The System instead of just ... like ... enjoying things. And worst of all, the ones that lament the rise of the instant gratification culture in some very unfortunately ableist ways.

Today’s really obliged me to say something. It’s titled: “Yes, I can get a can of chickpeas brought to my door in moments. But what have I lost?” However gently it does it, it talks about how sad it is that delivery apps that let you order just that one last thing you find you’re missing for the dinner you want to make have made us too lazy to put our shoes on and go to the corner shop for it.

Which.

I just.

I mean.

I didn’t talk about the other things wrong with this. Things like, “Maybe people don’t live within walking distance of a shop that sells the thing they need”. Because that’s a factor. I mean, I’m fortunate enough to have a couple of small but reasonably stocked grocery stores within about a ten-minute walk, on top of two corner shops. Thing is, the grocery stores are only reasonably well-stocked, and the corner shops are more about snacks, booze, and some vague emergency staples than about ... to use the example, a can of chickpeas. Sure, they stock some veg, but it’s not usually much to write home about. And a lot of people don’t have even that sometimes-useful option. The question becomes, even if you have a car, how much petrol are you willing to use to get that one last thing you needed when someone can bring it to you on a bicycle for less than you’d pay for running the car? Maybe the extra goes on a tip (I should damn well hope so, anyway), but keeping it friendly to one’s carbon footprint seems an idea. Also, what if you only realise when whatever you’re making’s partway through cooking and you need to monitor it? My mother used to assign me to the task, which was useful in my cooking in later life, but she also took the car, and some people don’t have kids old enough for that, or kids at all, or a spouse capable of helping.

I didn’t want to flood the comments section, though, so I stuck to the rampant ableism. My comment’s on there if anyone wants to read it (I took Canadibrit back for the Guardian, since it seemed a good way to make my situation at least marginally clear when I comment on the political situation), but it can be summed up to: “Thanks for making the disabled - particularly the younger disabled and/or those with invisible disabilities - feel like shit for taking an opportunity to make their lives less painful, and for hoping that others making use of this will make it more readily available and with more options”.

Because ... seriously. I wasn’t even 45 yet when I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and beyond the cane, no one’d know unless they watched me for awhile. The number of times I get told in one way or another that I should not need or ask for any assistance and just push to my absolute limits ... I can’t even count anymore. My GP, who keeps telling me, “You’re just going to hurt from now on; do we need to get you a therapist to get you to come to terms with that?” when I tell her that the initial pharmaceutical solution she tried didn’t work at all. (Honestly, I don’t expect to be pain-free; I just want there to be less of it.) My mother keeps saying how proud she is of me for “still doing things”, which in turn indicates how I would fall in her estimation if I even thought about saying that I can’t manage my job this way. My superiors at work are dragging their heels about work from home, the one thing that might actually help, despite one of our staffers having walked out in part because of that heel-dragging, which leaves us understaffed and me pushing past any reasonable limits for my condition to try to keep up. As for total strangers ... for every person who politely waits for me to get on the bus first, or gives up their seat because I clearly need to sit down, there’s at least one more who’ll push past me to get to the priority seating and take up both seats while giving me a “Yeah, and what are you going to do about it?” look. People who expect me to dodge around them in a narrow corridor despite the fact that they can see the cane and are way more nimble than I am. People who stand chatting in narrow corridors, blocking the way, and obliging me to slalom through them because they refuse to move even an inch to give me more space.

And now I have people writing editorials about how these delivery services, so perfect for a condition whose symptoms include chronic pain and occasional memory issues, are making us lazy and entitled, and feeding the instant gratification culture.

I think I’ve ranted enough about this for now. Suffice to say that no, the Guardian’s not perfect. And I’m really fucking tired of people romanticising “the good old days” in situations like this. Someone replied to my comment with, “Oh, I’m in the same boat as you are but I just finished a massive whinge about instant gratification and even if more people using it would give us more options in the end, I don’t feel I’m being remotely hypocritical!”

...You just keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Really Rough Days

Today was rough ... just for different reasons than I was afraid of. Today’s rough was arguably worse.

I mean, nothing changed today, looking at the capital of the UK through a bus window. I mean, apart from every bus stop advert I passed being that bloody woman’s face because apparently we have to have “Rest In Peace, You Colonising Trollop” (or, you know, Elizabeth Regina II, whatever) up just ... everywhere. But beyond that, the rules of ‘respect’ and ‘national mourning’ are weird. Apparently insofar as the BBC goes, we’re not allowed to sound particularly happy, so the programming has to be “appropriately low-key” and basically a bit sombre. And of course, the trade unions are cancelling all strikes out of “respect”. But nobody’s getting official time off work, even for the funeral itself, so apparently this whole thing is about, “Be sad and respectful but work your arses off while you’re doing it, okay?”

(Also, sorry, fuck the whole lot of this upcoming funeral. There are people who can’t even feed themselves, much less decently bury the people who died to Covid or are going to die of complications due to inadequate diet and heating - or, y’know, still Covid - this winter. I resent paying for the funeral of a woman whose family is worth billions. Don’t even talk to me about the fucking coronation.)

Anyway, thankfully no one was talking about it at work. I mean, I guess I’m not surprised: Scruffman considers himself Irish (I think he was born there but hasn’t lived there for, like, ever; Goblin gets irate when he calls himself Irish but he doesn’t do it often in my presence so I don’t give a fuck) and the Irish are ... handling this whole London Bridge Down thing the way I’d personally like to if it didn’t seem like it’d get me pilloried. Goblin never has anything nice to say about anyone so I doubt she’s a rabid monarchist. Temp really doesn’t care much about the news in general. And I didn’t really talk to anybody else today.

This was a relief because today? Was the worst pain day I have ever had. I mean it. Sincerely. Even now, sitting at a desk whose ergonomics are usually good for me, I am not handling it well and will go lie down as soon as I’ve done my update here, at least until the big painkillers kick in. At my shitty-ergonomics desk after the usual commute? Oh gods no. We’re talking constant spasms and two separate occasions where I had to lock myself in a stall in the bathroom no one uses (mostly because it’s gross; if you want to see gross, look at basically any UK hospital’s non-clinical areas) and just cry. Not just a tear here and there either; we’re talking sobbing as quietly as possible, trying to stop because I do not want anyone thinking I’m mourning the Colonising Trollop but literally cannot do so crying. I managed to pull myself together each time but holy hell, seriously. Also, cold water to the face can only repair so much damage, so I was trying not to look anyone in the eye. Again, tears after the death of a monarch to whom I was more or less indifferent and whose death is more of a fucking annoyance than anything else can look like something it’s not. Something I’d have to punch someone for suggesting it was. And I’m in no state to punch anyone right now. Anyway, I just tried to keep my head down and hoped no one’d notice.

Scruffman noticed. Thankfully, he did not mistake it for anything else - he’s perfectly aware of my political views. Also probably the fact that I was leaning on my cane harder than usual and shuffling because I literally could not pick my feet up off the floor when I walked helped. As did ... well, everything else. Anyway, point is that Scruffman noticed and was good about it in multiple ways:

Scruffman wrote me an email about it to read when I came back from break. This was good because I honestly dislike talking about my health in front of everybody. I think he’s figured that out, which is good.

The email asked if I was okay and told me to go home if I was in pain. Which I took him up on. If he’s noticing, it’s bad and as much as we’re understaffed, I couldn’t make anyone watch me struggle through two hours.

The email also said, in narrative tones of utmost apology, “I will talk to [Head Honcho] about your working from home. I am sorry this is taking so long”.

That third one’s particularly nice. I can more or less picture Scruffman going, “Look, she was crying with pain on Friday. She could barely walk. And she still came in and she still kept trying. If we don’t do something about this work from home thing soon, we will lose her the same way we lost Sid, and we cannot afford to lose her so sort it out.”

(And it would be ‘she’. I haven’t come out to the office yet. This is not a safe country to be out in.)

Of course, the ow wasn’t over yet, because I had to get home. I decided to stop at the big Tesco on the way home to make sure I have enough big painkillers for the entire weekend, some easy-to-cook food and some tasty treats. The bus ride there wasn’t too bad and was rewarded by a sale on ribeye steaks and the presence of miniature marshmallows (which will go in my hot chocolate tonight), among a couple of other necessities. No, the problem was coming out of the big Tesco and finding that while I was missing the rush hour, I was right on time for the schools letting out. The bus was rammed. Thankfully someone did give up their seat for me, which was necessary because it was standing room only and packed to beyond safe capacity. Guess people really did decide that our need to not be squished like a sardine ended with Covid (and that Covid is actually over). In the end, I got away with little more than someone stepping on my foot. OW.

So now I’m home an hour before I normally am, and I am going to go lie down until the painkillers kick in and I’m not a veritable pick n’ mix of pain.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Shoplifting

Just so people are aware of the basic financial crisis going on in the UK at the moment, and how the government is responding:

Yesterday, a police watchdog actually suggested that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to punish people shoplifting food out of desperation; that instead, the police should be ‘proportionate’ in their response and maybe try to find the shoplifter some help so they don’t have to do this.

And then today? Some Tory MP jackass named Kit Malthouse said, “No, no, you can’t do that!”

He went on to say: “No, no, see ... the whole thing about poverty triggering crime is a really old-fashioned way of thinking! And in fact, crime contributes to poverty, not the other way around! And if you remove the crime, prosperity ensues!”

Which. I mean. That’s just. I don’t know what the fuck insane troll logic this man is on, but there is one thing that Malthouse (and every other asshole who’s made horribly tone-deaf suggestions about how “the poor people” can be less poor in the most victim-blaming ways possible) has now made perfectly clear.

It’s not just that they don’t give a flying fuck. It’s that they actually get off on putting “the little people” in their place.

I’m sorry, but that is the only fucking rationale behind this bullshit that’s been happening lately. I mean, it makes sense from a party run by a man who was in the infamous Bullingdon Club, who had a thing where they burned £20 notes in front of homeless people just because they could. From a party on whose front bench rests (literally, since he lounges like it’s his sofa) a man whose father wrote the book on the best ways to profit from disaster capitalism. They expect the rest of us to just take whatever they dish out and they expect us to be grateful that it’s not worse, while they and their friends are getting exorbitantly wealthy out of the whole thing.

Look, I’m not looking forward to the kind of civil disobedience it’s going to take to make any change happen in this country. But it is going to happen. It has to. There’s no other way anymore. The Elections Bill stacked the deck so heavily in the Conservatives’ favour that, between that and First Past the Post, we’re highly unlikely to get them out. The Police, Crime, Sentencing, and Courts Bill has pretty much left us with little to no right to protest, because someone can just say it’s “too annoying” and the police will shut it down. Nothing’s going to change anything in this country bar full-bore rioting.

I mean, I guess there’s one way it might not. I can see it, honestly, because I’m largely there myself. Most of us who want to fight back on this are not seeing any way to do so because of how heavily the Tories have stacked the deck in their favour, and then are too busy trying to survive what they’re doing to us to have the time or energy to do anything really drastic. It’s hard to riot when you’re underfed, unhealthy, and on the verge of a depressive episode most days. And that’s where a lot of us are.

I am lucky to have a job, and enough to eat, and a roof over my head. But I am still terrified. My medication gets pricier every time I turn around (I know it’s still nothing on what people in the US pay, but give it time), my dietary requirements don’t exactly lend well to value brands of anything, and the stress has joined the change in weather to make flare-ups a regular and horrific thing. And I’m still in the position where, while I’m currently suffering at my job and the one person who was pushing the work-from-home thing is just apparently never coming back, I have to be grateful to be in this job. My co-workers may be lazy sods (they spent a lot of time chattering today, mostly when Scruffman was out of the office but sometimes when he was in it, too, and he did not look impressed), and I may work too hard, but at least I have a job. If I was on disability benefits right now, I’d be screwed right to the wall.

I know everywhere is suffering. Just we have Brexit on top of what everyone else in the world is dealing with - though no one here will mention the B-word in connection with the cost of living crisis, obviously. There’s a lot I could say, but I’ll stick with this, and only this:

FUCK KIT MALTHOUSE.

If I see someone shoplifting food ... no, I didn’t.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Economic Meltdown

UK Population: So the only real surprise about today's budget--

Tory Government: It is NOT A BUDGET. It is a financial *event*. Or a mini-budget. Nothing that requires scrutiny from ... you know ... nay-sayers.

UK Population: You mean independent experts.

Tory Government: Tomayto, tomahto. Anyway. NOT-BUDGET.

UK Population: Whatever you want to call it, the only real surprise was the abolition of the 45% rate of tax over £150k.

Tory Government: Oh, come on! It's only going to cost £2bn!

UK Population: Well, even though you weren't obliged to seek independent scrutiny or post actual numbers, independent experts did look at the numbers you *did* see fit to show us. And they reckon you got that number way wrong. Reducing the rate of tax above £150k to 40% actually costs £6.6bn.

Tory Government: Nooooooo no no no no. See, if we reduce the rate of tax for the rich, they won't avoid as much of it, so in the end they'll really pay *more*! So we calculated our numbers based on what we believe the wealthy will do!

UK Population: As opposed to what they've actually *done*?

Tory Government: ...I'm prepared to be unpopular.

UK Population: Well, I should hope so, because you're definitely going to be. Nothing in this entire bud--

Tory Government: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

UK Population: *siiiiiiiiiiiigh* Nothing in this so-called 'fiscal event' is even remotely helping the people who need it most, and it disproportionately rewards the already wealthy.

Tory Government: Well, they deserve it more!

UK Population: Wut.

Tory Government: And we're trying to get people to invest in the UK!

UK Population: Byyyyyyyy ... tanking the pound? GBP is almost at parity with USD now; you know how bad that is, right?

Tory Government: It'll encourage more people to BUY BRITISH!

UK Population: What, you mean British as in 'tiny island whose exports are more or less nil, and who now lack the people to pick crops, butcher livestock, pluck chickens, and drive delivery lorries because of Brexit'? With a side order of 'a lot of our previous trading partners won't deal with us at all anymore because of Brexit'?

Tory Government: Ah! We have a solution for that! AND it'll help the poor get more money!

UK Population: Really. Okay, fine. How?

Tory Government: We're putting sanctions on Universal Credit so that people who only work part-time will have to seek full-time employment or they'll get their benefits cut!

UK Population: So ... *everyone* who only works part-time. Including the disabled, the elderly, and people who are caring for the disabled and elderly, and literally can't work full-time without suffering?

Tory Government: Yep! Lazy workshy scroungers, all the low-wage plebs. We're going to fix that!

UK Population: Oh for fuck's sake...

Tory Government: Oh! Also! We came up with a solution to NHS understaffing!

UK Population: I am afraid to ask.

Tory Government: We'll just do what we did during the Covid pandemic!

UK Population: The one that's still technically going on?

Tory Government: We're pretending it *isn't*, because if we ignore it, it'll go away eventually!

UK Population: Oh for-- wait. Doesn't "what you did during the worst of the Covid crisis" basically mean "ask for volunteers from other departments and retired people, preferably without pay"?

Tory Government: Yep!

UK Population: *EPIC FACEPALM*

Tory Government: Oh, and we expect Scotland to do all this too, and stop trying for any kind of pay equality!

Scottish Government: FUCK. OFF.

Tory Government: They just don't get it. This is what going for growth looks like!

UK Population: No, this is what slash-and-burn economics looks like. This is what disaster capitalism looks like. This is what "We're going to lose the next election anyway so let's take what little we still can and run for the hills, and leave the mess for Labour to pick up because they won't manage it and we'll look like the better option when they fail" looks like.

Tory Government: ...You love us really.

UK Population: The polls are saying different, sunshine. And what happened to "We're prepared to be unpopular"?

Tory Government: Okay, the people who *matter* love us, really. Now shut up or we really will bring back the workhouses.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Introductions

So apparently I have new people following this mishegoss. Hi, new people. Welcome to Thess vs the World. There’s beanbag chairs and hot drinks. Now. Quick overview of what you’re in for in the form of a sort of “This Is Me” post.

Femme nonbinary panromantic asexual. I’m fine with ‘she’ for the paperwork but my gender is functionally ‘eh, whatever’. I am aggressively sex-positive for other people in that I want everyone who wants it to have it safely, consensually, and with as much enjoyment as possible, but for me personally it’s a big ol’ nope.

Following on from that, I truly believe that homophobes, biphobes, transphobes etc are the world’s biggest hypocrites in that they seem to keep saying that the LGBTQIA+ community is degenerate and sick and deviant but they’re the ones who have a truly unhealthy interest in the contents of people’s pants and what people choose to consensually do with the contents of said pants. So who’s the weirdo now, bigots?

On the subject of bigotry: race is complicated. I do not feel that people should be judged solely by the colour of their skin. However, the “I don’t see colour” bullshit is just as damaging, because it erases so much, not only in terms of accountability for centuries of oppression but also centuries of unique and beautiful culture, which deserves respect instead of the appropriation it so often gets. Basically I believe in a combination of equality and equity, where we try to aim for a world where everyone’s cultural and racial backgrounds are accepted and respected but not judged. On a related note, fuck the monoculture.

Billionaires should not exist. Full stop. End of statement. If you’ve made more than ... I’ll be generous and say five million ... you get a plaque that says “I Won Capitalism” and everything else you make from that point on gets funnelled into initiatives like universal basic income, universal healthcare, free public transport and civic and national infrastructure. Honestly, the global economy is currently this bit of magical-thinking bullshit with no grounding in anything like reality, balancing the books by treating human beings like things - and not even the most important things to keep the business going, which they blatantly are.

Disabled people’s lives are hard enough without them being told that they don’t look or act ‘disabled enough’ to be worth even sympathy, never mind aid. Disbled people are not your inspiration porn. As a reminder: “survival of the fittest” is about survival on a species level, not an individual member of said species’ level, and human beings wouldn’t have survived long enough to use our thumbs and forebrains to climb to the top of the food chain if we hadn’t helped each other do so. If we can find fossils of prehistoric people who lived decades after a debilitating injury because they were cared for by their communities, why can’t we do the same now?

The arts need to be valued for more than just their material worth. Everyone who produces something that entertains people should have enough to live on. Degrees in art, literature, theatre, game design etc are not “wastes of time” or “hobby degrees”, and deserve the same respect as any other degree. After all, how empty would our lives be without the people who provide our entertainment? How drab would our lives be without the people who provide our art? PAY YOUR ARTISTS, AND LET THEM LEARN THEIR TRADE WITHOUT MOCKING THEIR ‘HOBBY DEGREE’.

That’s my basic belief system - sums up to “try to be kind to people because you don’t know what they’re going through ... until they’re treating someone else like shit, at which point UNLEASH HELL”. It’s people’s actions that should lose or gain them respect, not their religious beliefs, sexuality, gender presentation, skin colour, physical / mental ability level, or anything else about who they are. It’s what you do that matters.

Now for the more basic bits and pieces: I work part-time doing medical typing for a histology lab. I’ve worked as a medical secretary for about 25 years now, mostly temping (it sucked, by the way; temp roles are hell). I live in the UK and desperately wish I could move because this whole country is getting worse than the US was under Trump, but I can’t afford to move. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about a year and a half ago, and spend most of my time in significant pain. Still, I try not to let that stop me from doing things I love, and seeking out things I love, because life’s too short, honestly.

I write. I am a Forever DM, and happy to be that way. I garden. I cook pretty damn well, if I say so myself. I truly love making things - resin casting, candles, soap, scent oils blends, bath bombs, and recently branched out into candy. I love most genres of music and most genres of book. I love video games (but can’t play first-person ones because it triggers migraines - woe). I love Lego. I love my friends. Basically, for a person who self-identifies as a grumpy-ass cynic about most things, I love a lot of things and I love them hard. Especially my friends. I’ll cope if you try to hurt me; you hurt my friends and you will regret it. They are what I value most in my life, you see.

So that’s me. I don’t figure anybody who’s newly following me is overly surprised by any of this, but if somehow it does - if you’re a racist, if you’re a TERF, if you’re a bigot in any way - you might want to unfollow. I am unapologetically socialist in my political and economic outlook, and ... well, basically I run the gamut between Social Justice Bard and Social Justice Barbarian.

So welcome to the madhouse. If you think you’ll be happy here, settle in. I’m making more maple sugar candy this week. I can only virtually share it, but it’s the thought that counts?

[thessalian]

Thess vs Capitalism, Dissected

Economics is really weird when you look at it from a layman’s perspective; you know, breaking it down from first principles. I mean, maybe it’s not 100% fair to call me completely inexperienced at economics, but it’s certainly 98.5% fair, since it’s hard to quantify a brief stint as Finance Officer for a contract my school had with Amnesty International to make some candle holders that looked like the AI logo as a sort of group project thing we ran one year. I had to do the various breakdowns of how much we could legitimately charge for the things, taking into account ... well, not everything, because some stuff we didn’t have to worry about that big companies did. Yes, we had the cost of raw materials, but we didn’t have labour charges since it was volunteer labour, and we didn’t have the cost of the equipment, work space, and utilities because that was all the school’s, and we didn’t have taxes to worry about because it was all charity donation stuff, and we didn’t have shipping charges because we sold the things at a booth at our school fete that year. All I really had to do was figure out the cost of the raw materials, how much we could charge over that as a donation to Amnesty International, and how many we needed to make to keep up with projected demand. But it did give me some insight into what sorts of costs a company normally has to face.

I think where I really fall down on figuring out economics is ... well, the cornerstone of all of it - labour costs. Because at the end of the day, it all comes down to people doing things. Raw materials? That’s all down to people. Farming or mining or working in a lab, whatever; someone’s removing the raw materials from their natural habitat and making them fit for purpose. Equipment? Also down to people - people built the equipment, and designed the parts needed to make the equipment work, and do the maintenance on the equipment. Utilities, same thing - farming the natural resources for electricity however they’re doing it, treating the water so it’s fit for purpose, getting all those things to where they need to go and ensuring the system is robust enough to handle the load asked of it. Then there’s actually creating the end product, and that’s down to people too - even things largely made by machines need people to operate the machines, and quality-check things, and package them appropriately. Then there’s shipping - getting products to where they need to go. And then you need people to sell the thing to customers, and to advertise the thing to customers, which is more people doing more work. Even the invisible labour: personnel to make sure that a business is appropriately staffed, finance bods to keep all the numbers and money straight, administrative staff to handle the paperwork that exists in any enterprise these days, to facility maintance to ensure that work spaces are all up to code. Hell, the only financial outlay that doesn’t actually involve a human being doing any actual work is the rent on the business premises.

(WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS WHY WE ALL SAY THAT LANDLORDS ARE LEECHES.)

With the cost of living crisis hitting the UK, various government people here have actually urged companies not to give their staff pay rises to compensate, because of how that will encourage inflation. Which I’m not entirely sure I get. We’re saying that the value of money will go down if we give people enough money to afford things as prices are already going up. But ... and keep in mind that I only really understand this from knowing what happened to Confederate money during the American Civil War ... the value of money is inherently linked to the value of whatever’s backing it. Isn’t that what the gold standard is supposed to be about? (Everywhere but here, which deals in sterling, so silver, but anyway.)

I think, taking all that into account, that we might be using the wrong natural resource when it comes to how we value money. Gold and silver, fine, but that’s not the bit that’s really important when it comes to ... well, anything, in this world. At the end of the day, it should be all about how much we value human labour.

But it isn’t, because the first thing companies do when they want to cut costs or just make their profits look bigger is to lay people off. The bit of the equation that’s most important, and it’s being heavily undervalued. The world puts no importance on labour in general, and actually tend to sneer at a lot of it. Consider ‘essential workers’ during the pandemic - generally overworked, underpaid and undervalued, but essential to a service economy the likes of ours in the modern age. It’s considered shameful to work in a shop, or on an assembly line, or picking vegetables - again, because those jobs involve being overworked, underpaid and undervalued. But Covid (and in our case Brexit) has shown what happens when you don’t have those people in those jobs: the economy starts to fall apart. When you don’t have the people to pick the crops or pluck the chickens or work the assembly lines or stock the shelves, people can’t buy the things. The money stops moving and the economy staggers and eventually collapses. But does that make people value human labour as the lifeblood of industry? No. It just gets them bitched at if they dare ask for a living wage. Because if people started actually valuing labour, they’d have to pay more for a product. They don’t seem to understand that if all labour was valued properly, they’d get paid more too, and could afford the thing.

“Where does that money come from to pay these people, then?” is the question. The answer’s pretty simple - profits for the ‘captains of industry’ do not need to be so fucking high. I know that’s what they base the whole stock market nonsense on, and there’s some issues about some people’s ISAs, but at the end of the day, if the business world hadn’t started insisting that profits need to increase by massive amounts every year, we wouldn’t have this bubble economy that’s now looking set to burst. Thing I read once, either here or on Facebook: “uncontrolled growth has a name in nature: it’s called cancer”, and that’s exactly it: this need for huge profits - and I mean profits, the thing that happens after you’ve funnelled what you’ve earned into keeping your company functioning - is a cancer on capitalism.

Capitalism was supposed to be about private persons running businesses and freely set prices according to supply and demand. At its core, that is not a bad thing. My issue with it is ... well, frankly, the cancer having set in. What we have isn’t really capitalism anymore; it’s plutocracy. The private persons running the businesses artificially inflate the demand by levering governments with their massive amounts of money, and artificially restrict the supply to justify higher prices, And honestly, in properly functioning capitalism, private individuals are also freely setting prices according to supply and demand, in a way - they’re free to demand a decent living wage and decent treatment from their employers, because if one company won’t treat them properly, another will. Except, again, this isn’t capitalism anymore because the private persons running the businesses are basically all about manipulating everything from economic and political policy to public opinion to justify paying their workers as little as possible. Minimum wage is supposed to be an absolute lowest possible limit, and it’s still supposed to be enough to feed and house a family. Except now the minimum wage has been stalled for a decade without even decent rises to account for inflation, and it now isn’t enough for even a single person to live on, never mind a family. And all to make profits look like they’re constantly rising at an unsustainable rate.

That’s the bubble economy, and when it bursts ... everybody’s going to have a problem. Because when people can’t afford things anymore, those businesses are going to have issues. They’ll try to solve them with more layoffs, and that’ll leave fewer people able to afford things, and we’re going to go from “Millennials are killing the [Whatever] industry” to ... well, a total meltdown.

I’m not sure how we bounce back from this, particularly since said private persons running businesses aren’t interested in anything but how much money they can grab up before the bubble bursts, but I’ll say this: I’m really tired of living in historically significant times.